fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
