make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
