I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just gift wrapped bread.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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