Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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