holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
