about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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