If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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