i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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