i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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