did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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