Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
