I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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