it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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