Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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