its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
