K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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