Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
