There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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