Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
