is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
