you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
