But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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