if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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