you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
