omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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