yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
