Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
