Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
