I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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