Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
