you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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