Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
