HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're a waste of cheezeits
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
