I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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