Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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