the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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