you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
