After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
