are you so shy because you have an std?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
