btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
