WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
