Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
