It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
