Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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