I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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