The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
