Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need to calm my uterus...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
