I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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