I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
