my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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