so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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