I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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