i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
