Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
