Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
