she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
