Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
