would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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