Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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