So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
