just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
