I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
