im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
