Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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