im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
