Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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